a blast from the past

i love the 80's. i think it's possibly the coolest decade ever (not counting clothes, i leave that to the 70's). not sure if it's because the stuff was actually cool (smurfs! he-man! cabbage patch kids!) of if its because it reminds me of a time when my only worry was learning to ride a two wheeler (i was a late, late bloomer and a spaz, i was nine!) or what the newest toy in my happy meal was going to be. it's been kind of a rough couple of weeks and i needed some sort of escape from the pressure and stress i've been feeling. tuning in to this wacky stuff takes me back to a time when i felt so safe and just plain GOOD, and the hilarity and goofiness of some of the commercials makes me laugh and just puts a smile on my face. it also reminds me of how much times have changed since i was a kid. it seems like my generation had it so much easier. too much technology now with cell phones, i-pods, $150 sneakers, text messaging, and all that crap, i dunno. i'm an old-fashioned fart like that and i worry for cookie because by the time she feels the pressure to have these things i'm going to be the bitch mom who says "NO, get a job and pay for it yourself!" like mine and canuck's parents did. then she's going to be all screwed up, and it's all because of us. but i will still hang onto my principles. i'm a tough broad like that ;-)

i had originially started a rather negative post about my crappy past two weeks, but after some time off, some socialization/relaxation, a quick visit from my mom, and a good, thourough cleaning of my house, i have a much better perspective and am ready to face another wonderful(or potentially crappy, whichever way the ball swings) week with a much more positive outlook. in a nutshell, it doesn't matter that half the crowns i prepped and impressed last week didn't fit this week despite the fact that i sent perfect impressions, because i sent them new perfect impressions and i would never cement anything that was below my standards and that is what makes me a good dentist. i feel much better about opening my first complaint/incident file with the RCDS, because while it really shook me up and i am dealing with a bit of a whacko, i did nothing wrong and i have a wonderful and supportive staff to back me up and boost my confidence at times like these when i really need it. i'm proud of the fact that although it really (and i mean REALLY) pissed off my dad, who said that i was "cheap" and that all i cared about was money like my cheap uncle out in california who hasn't flown to new york in 20 years, i still stuck to my guns and didn't spend $400 fly to new york for 36 hours for my sister's high school graduation this past weekened - because that money (and then some) eventually evaporated to repair the brakes and a transmission fluid leak on ned flanders, yet another monkey wrench in the cog of my week. i'm optimistic that although canuck is underemployed and repeatedly dicked-over by his current venue, and has gotten really raw deals as far as associateships go this past year and a half, the time that i spent on my day off frantically faxing out over 20 resumes for him has paid off, as he has gotten five interviews scheduled this week. this poor guy really needs a break, i'm telling you. i'm praying that things stabilize enough for us to start having more kids, as while we make enough money together to run things smoothly, canuck wants to be able to support the house on his income alone so that i can stay home as much or as little as i'd like. i'm really lucky to have a guy who's willing to work so hard so that i have to do less. but both of us are increasingly frustrated as to how long it seems everything takes, like we want to get started on all these things, like furniture, a new roof, a dog, perhaps. i worked so hard and paid so much money for my education, when is it going to finally pay off??? why is everything so dragged out and S-L-O-W????

i'm tired and i'm hopeful and i'm nervous and i'm greatful for all that i have, but at the same time i want more, know what i mean? i want stability, i want to go to sleep at night and not have to worry about money, for canuck to have peace of mind and confidence, for me to have faith in myself as a person and as a dentist. it's just so damn hard sometimes, and it's tiring and i'm just waiting for a break, just someone upstairs to cut us some slack. that's why i like to escape to the decade where i didn't have any of these worries. i can only hope that i'm able to provide as happy a childhood as i had to cookie, so that she can look back at the ipod and spongebob and feel that same feeling of security and well-being that i have now.

i think i have to delve into the nineties now, i need to re-create some of that teen angst to bring me back to reality....