the little story of how the MD scared the crap out of the DDS big time

on january 3, i finally got a chance to take advantage of the universal health care system and went for a complete physical. i got it all checked out, blood pressure, cholesterol, thyroid levels, the whole shebang. being a health care professional and constantly being exposed to pathogens known and unknown, i asked the doc to test me for EVERYTHING under the sun. now, i haven't been tested for anything since i was pregnant with cookie over three years ago, and that was when i had just started practicing and hadn't really got my hands wet doing anything and the HIV test was mandatory in new york state (i still reeled while waiting for the results despite the fact that i was "low risk"). but i do have a tattoo and also remember i was exposed to hepatitis C over the summer when i was careless and scratched myself with a flame-shaped (read SHARP) composite finishing bur that had gone subgingival on a Hep C positive patient. it's not like you can do anything when that happens, either - you just wait for your liver enzymes to go up to detectable levels in a few months or test for RNA traces in about 4 - 6 weeks.

usually when the blood work comes back, no news is good news, right? so i nearly shit a brick when his office called and wanted me to come in to "discuss the results."

"oh, don't worry, he always gives hepatitis results in person. it's just policy."

"can't you just give me the, uh, results over the phone? especially if it's negative, just give it to me over the phone, right?"

"we'll be here until 3:30."

oh. my. god.

i raced home early from work, was shaking when i got to office by 2 p.m. and i waited for what seemed like days but was really only a few minutes.

he called me in, sat me down, and pulled out my chart, page by page.

"hey, thanks for coming in, there are some things i want to discuss with you. okay, here's you cholesterol, good, your thyroid levels are good, all your titers are up to date, HIV will be back in a week. now for hepatitis...."

oh god. here it comes...

"you are negative for hepatitis C, and your vaccination for hepatitis B was successful, but you have no protection against Hep A."

"so you mean i am healthy and i don't have hepatitis? i'm okay?"

"what? yes, of course you're great keep up the good work! i just want you to fill this script and come in for the vaccine, that's all."

"you scared the hell outta me, doc, i thought something was wrong! no one ever calls unless something is wrong!"

"oh, no, that's why you looked so worried! no, it's just policy to discuss those results in person, is all, you know with PHIPPA and PIPEDA regulations."

he handed me the script, i breathed a huge sigh of relief, and i went home.

i think i just aged about 10 years...